Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
did i just pee glitter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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