I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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