We're facebook friends in real life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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