adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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