i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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