oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your cock deserves a montage
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
