I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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