its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
