Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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