there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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