I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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