Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
