My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am available for nakedness
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
