A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
