You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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