I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
