even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
