I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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