You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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