my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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