I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
