Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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