Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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