that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
