if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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