Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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