So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
