did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
