After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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