Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
