i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
