I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
