He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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