went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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