it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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