90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
