I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
