I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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