I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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