It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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