i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
