I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize