I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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