He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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