I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
