Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
