so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
