Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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