It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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