So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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