i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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