His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
