I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
