Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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