Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I just sharted jello shots
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