do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
