You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
