Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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