So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
