Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
