Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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