I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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