Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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