she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
