I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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